- Finishing my first year at college.
Growing up, I never thought college would not be an option for me, but I was unaware of just how great of an option it would be. My parents always told me that school was my job and I had to be great at everything I did. Through my first year of college I did not grow as much as I thought I would. I came into college prepared knowing that I would not be as smart as the others, I would look different than the others, and I would be without family most days. However, I was unprepared for the one realization that would taunt me for the rest of my days.
I realized I did not like her (myself) and most days I still don’t. Maybe thats why make-up has become my best friend. Not because I feel that I lack beauty, but because I often hope that it would cover up the bags left from the tears I cried the night before when I had to sleep with myself. The more I spend time with myself the less I like her. Unsure if who I am was good enough. I want to be tough and strong, I am tired of being vulnerable and weak. Maybe in my next two years of college I can learn to appreciate myself, and then maybe, just maybe…
2. Spending Summer with My Parents
My parents were appalled that I did not want to spend the summer with them, but we have never had a great relationship. I was supposed to be in Florida for three weeks and that turned into three months. During that time I realized how selfless they were not just because of what they were doing for me to have a good time in the best way they knew how, but thinking back to my childhood. Suddenly, the moments I held resentment for became moments I admired where I admired my parents. I no longer saw seeing my dad for half an hour a day as a disappointment in my fatherly ideals, but grateful that he put his blood and sweat into working so that his family could be content.
Summer of 2015, our relationships grew. They saw their little girl growing up, in ways that maybe they did not approve, but at least they got to see it. And my dad got to spend time with one of his children for longer than a day or two in the last two years since he left. And summer was great, I got my first retail job and learned how to deal with people and their needs, but I also learned that I am not at all a sales person. I guess I do not like to convince people that they need something if they themselves do not believe it.
3. Documenting my Grandmother
Often times I see old video tapes of moments of people’s childhood and realized that I do not have that. I do not even have baby pictures. Then I realized that neither do my cousins. But we do have one person that recorded all of our childhood moments in her memory, and that is our grandmother. She raised us all while our parents were at work. But while planning the documentary I realized that even more so than her grandchildren, grandma did not have any memories of herself. Not even with technology because she hates to take pictures. She says she is not beautiful enough.
I convinced her to be documented and interviewed and learned so much about her love for her family, especially after being a widow. And so next year, I will put the film together where we (the grandchildren) show her how thankful we are for her and how much we appreciate her love and guidance.
4. Finding my signature
For a while, I have tried to find how I would sign all my important documents in life. Like when I get a house, or a car, or pay taxes, or sign credit cards. I wanted something that defined me and I finally found it one day with my godmother who helped me. And I love it. I practice it constantly. My signature is not just something I will get to write on special documents, but its my staple on the world.
5. Losing my virginity
Well that goes left unsaid.