Letters to you,
I hope this finds you well whenever you come back to reread what you once wrote to yourself. Sort of like ninth grade English class where you promised yourself you would be valedictorian and go to a four year private school. Where you promised that your friends will be your friends forever because you knew they were special. Except different, because before you believed that if plans do not turn out exactly how you have planned them, you have failed. But today, you know that things will never happen in that way.
Thinking back to that letter you realized that even though you got everything you asked for, it was nothing you were expecting.
You saw how you could be valedictorian in high school and wanted the same for college, but C’s on papers isn’t really going to get you there. And you fell desperately to the floor disappointed that you were not as excellent as you once were and that you may be losing yourself. I know how bad it hurt thinking you were disappointing everyone, and I stood there watching you. I was unsure of what to do. So we sat there and he held us and told us that it was okay. That college isn’t about grades, college is about experiences. And your best friend tells you that C’s get degrees. Going to a prestigious private expensive college is not the same as a public school in Brooklyn or a public high school in the middle of Manhattan with 90 students in your graduating class. Things are harder, success is more difficult. And it took you some time to understand that, but you are not giving up. Next semester will be better, you will make it better because Columbia is your goal for masters and you know you could do it and you will. I see you looking at yourself and knowing that you’ve change and maybe that’s why you can’t recognize yourself anymore, but that does not mean you are any less valuable.
And friends, well not all of them stayed. You have lost a few since high school, but you have learned that they probably were people who didn’t really care in the first place. They just say that they do and then invent a story of why you are not the same anymore. Time goes by and you change with the seasons, and that is fine because you are 19 and growing. You know the friends left from high school will be your forever friends, people you grow up with. And you made two new friends that would do anything for you and fell in love for the first time. Although this love is extremely difficult and has many more issues than cinderella, he is someone you are willing to fight for. No matter how upset he makes you. And you sit on your bed holding on to yourself hoping for forever.
So stop beating yourself about not being the same person you were before, things change. Tomorrow your memories of yesterday won’t even be the same anymore.