I feel like I need space. Not because I do not want to spend time with him, but because I got use to all the time we use to spend. We do not share nearly the same amount of time anymore. I should have not allowed myself to get so comfortable. I knew discomfort was not too far away because something his type of great cannot last a lifetime. He says that what we have now is just a result of our relationship, but I am not sure I am satisfied, with myself that is. I LOVE spending time together. But i am too dependent on him and it is ruining us. I expect constant messages, constant kisses, and hugs, when things were not like that in the beginning. Things were perfect in the middle, when we were new, sex, conversations, sleeping in his arms, But I guess it is all old now, those things haven’t been happening.
I wish to ask him if he ever thought about seasons and how it affects the rose. I have.
It makes my body squeal. The rose is planted in the spring, taking in all the water and sunlight that spring has to offer. It grows and shines all throughout summer. I have never experienced anything this beautiful. Of course some pedals fall, but they regrow. And the growth is amazing because it only makes the rose stand stronger. But fall and winter are sad. The coldness and early nights makes the rose start to droop and shrink until the pedals slowly fall to the ground, unable to regrow. The rose tries everything to survive. It tries to lean into all sunlight available and all the water that falls. But the days end earlier so it is not nearly enough sun and the water turns into snow. It is too cold to inhale. Emptiness lingers and the rose sees all other flowers die until its finally its turn.
We are the rose. And winter is almost here. Are we going to let our rose die? Or is it only winter on my side of the world? Is it still summer over there? Please let me know so that I could feel the warmth of reality and you lying by my side one more season.