I just feel like I am laying around doing a whole lot of nothing. However, I was determined to spend as much time with the people that I LOVE since I missed so much in my first year of college. And I have!!
I spent a lot of time with my parents. For the first time in my life I sat with my dad and he told me about his failed hopes for his future, his present life, and how much he needed me to be there. And there I was complaining that I was bored and wanted to be in New York. Yeah it would have been nice, I would have a job now till the day I leave again, but there are things more important than money. This summer I learned to understand my mom. Too often in my earlier post I made my mom sound like a monster, I mean of course I was sixteen (the “I’m grown stage”), but that should not be an excuse. I learned my mom is the strongest, smartest, wisest (yes there is a difference) woman in my life. She just has not allowed herself enough opportunities or faith. I miss them so much and its hard to know that they are going through a very rough time right now and I cannot help them.
I am so ready to go back to school, have my jobs, and be able to help them out, but until then I am enjoying waking up to the laughter of my niece, a message from my sister asking me to join her at the gym, trying to figure out what three movies my brother is flipping back and forth from, and trying to figure out how my four year old niece’s brain could hold so much knowledge. Arguing with my grandmother about my ripped jeans. She says that when she was young people were embarrassed to wear them and that its a shame we pay for that now. I’ll miss being able to call my other half and just hang out at whatever time doing literally nothing and still having a blast. I’ll miss being around people who inspire the love thats within me.
I guess I am not so ready for school in terms of my personal life. But I have been doing so much of nothing this summer.This summer has been too long, but at the same time not long enough. I want to do something amazing, something I will remember forever. But I have a week left and I doubt that I am going to make time for it. I cannot wait to go back to school and start working on my career. I love being extra busy because it makes me feel like I am doing something with my life. But when I lay around all day like this, I feel that I lose who I once was. An ambitious, dedicated woman.