Spark Into My Present Again

Its been a while since feelings of my past has sparked into my present. But today it happened again. Through a conversation I was reminded of the difficulties I encountered because of my gender due to very traditional family members.

I remember always being expected to be unopinionated, clean, talk low and sit properly because I was a girl. Very often my views of the world were often brushed aside or unheard because as a female my words were powerless.

I constantly fought with my mother as she told me that I could not play softball or join extracurricular activities because of my gender. She often mentioned sports were for men and coming home between the hours of six to seven were too late for a GIRL to be walking by herself.

A lack of breath suffocated my future well being because I could not be a person without being a dependent girl first. It seemed that I had to count on the world to come after me in ways that were not existant to males. Not being given the freedom to grow into a woman pushed me to go away to college. I mean sure I wanted the experience of partying and late nights, but what I really wanted was to learn how to be my own person. I was sick of the world deciding who I should be based on which private part I had. And sure, the world works in labels till this day that make anyone who is not a skinny white male inferior. However, I wanted to identify myself for myself and push myself a little harder than usual.

Of course going away to a liberal arts school, I realized that it is much worse being a female in America then being a female in my household. But times are changing and I am ready to be seen as equal someday…hopefully. However, if not, I know I will still feel equal because dorming in college has allowed me to figure me out. As long as I feel equal and feel like my thoughts are worthy to the world, I will be great. Of course until feelings of my past spark into my present again.

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