4) Be Sexual Sooner

He advised me to be sexual sooner

As if my worth was determined by pleasures I gave a man

As if the only purpose of the holes in my body were to fit his bodily fluids when the erection would soon be over

As if he were a growing mountain and I was there to take him to his peak

He told me to be sexual sooner

But I could have told him the same thing

As his hands stood still while we sat in the park

Only to kiss my forehead when it was finished

Claiming it was time to go as soon as I mentioned it was my turn

He texted me to be sexual sooner

As if how happy he felt with me had to be seen through how hard I could make him

As if the way an orgasm felt mattered more than how fast his heart beated next to mine when he was soft

I remember the words, be sexual sooner

Because I never imagined doing things I did as happy as I did them

Knowing there would be no reciprocation

I was sexual as soon as I could allow myself to be

Be sexual sooner,

NO! He was not going to physically break everything inside me and watch me bleed more than he had already done without a single touch

He was not going to strip me of the one sacred thing I have left

Without even cherishing all else I was willing to offer

I will not be sexual sooner

My value is in who I am, not what I could do with my body

My worth is not determined by my sexual status

I will never sell myself short and be sexual sooner

I value myself too much to be amounted to an erection

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2 thoughts on “4) Be Sexual Sooner

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