I struggle between deciding if I want to show my emotions or act like I do not have any. Most of the times I decide not to show any, but there are few people that I connect with and they see all of my emotions. I open myself up completely, but even then they feel as if I hide many things about myself. I do not. Unfortunately I do not know as much about my family as I would hope to know. My family is a family of secrets, with silence that would get buried into the grave with their bodies when their time has come.
However, now I am stuck between the middle of wanting to show emotions, but not wanting to scare people away. I fear that if I let people now about my crazy mood swings they will see that I am not stable or change my first name to crazy because of the slightest of things effect me. Many people do not see any issues with the small little things, but that is not me. The small little things say the most to me because there are actions that the person themselves do not even realize.
Suddenly, my calls aren’t answered and my text do not get replies or get very late replies. Do not get me wrong this was always consistent, but there came a time when I felt that changing back to how it use to be in the beginning. Now I am questioning whether I should leave it alone for the summer, because if I show my crazy emotions and stop being cold hearted then people might leave anyways.