Double Consciousness

Its been a while since I felt that I have had a safe place to write, and I still have not found that space. All of the pressures of society follow me everywhere I go and disturb my place of comfort. “You are too fat.” “You are too skinny.” “you are too quiet. “You don’t speak up enough.” “you are sweet and innocent.” “I expected better.” “You are…”

More likely than not,  I am turned into a product of those surrounding me. The double consciousness that Dubois expressed lives inside me every single day, as heat is added to my identity the more it grows, like bacteria. One that does not die, but only continues to evolve like a flu. Every year I ingest a flu shot filled with confidence and courage to speak out, but the growing ignorance changes every year through various experience. “Wow, you are actually smart.” “I’m glad to have you in this class because you bring in a new perspective.” “You should speak up more, your experiences could be very valuable to the other students.”

No one knows how my blood bubbles as the words struggle to come out. Each syllable an eagle growing in my stomach as the crow is not too far behind, ready to kill words that resemble my truth. People tell me that it is not true through their expressions because of readings they have studied in a different class. Many fail to realize that my truth is not in the hands of the many you have read. My ears turn hot as the words I say are watered down by my red cheeks. And After the silence, the words that I should have said slides the quick sand I nicknames my heart. Lost and never to be found again, not even a little bit; no matter how many times another situation comes again it will never bring up the words I once wanted to say. They are lost with my identity as I see it transform into what others say of me.

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4 thoughts on “Double Consciousness

    • Jamerly says:

      Thank you so much! I cannot believe i just saw this comment. I am so sorry, but thank you so much for reading. AND Yes I completely agree, I feel so at home on wordpress.

      Like

  1. AnonymouslyIntelligent says:

    Everyone needs a place person where they can feel safe and forget about the pressure that society likes to put on people. You should take your time and look for one of the two, it will help your greatly and maybe again you will have a safe place to write. Great blog! you are a talented writer!

    Like

    • Jamerly says:

      Oh my goodness I just saw your comment. Thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it. Thank you for enjoying it. Since this post I decided to talk to people about pressures in society and realized how many similarities people share when it comes to things like this. I was very pleasantly surprised! Thank you so much for reading and commenting I really appreciate it. 🙂

      Like

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