Those of you who follow my blog know that I am in a constant battle with religion, trying to decide if its something that I want to be a part of or if it has just been embedded in my life style. For that reason I have taken a break from church but that does not mean that I have abandoned my belief of God. And I don’t think that I ever can; it is because of him that I believe and strive to be a better person. I know what you are thinking how is it possible to believe in God and not in religion? Well think of it this way, is it possible to like a sport and have a favorite team? I’ll answer that. Well of course it is. Faith is my sport and God is my favorite team.
Sorry if I have confused you, the previous sentences are not what this blog is about, it is about my experience in church while being confused and what got me there.
It was a Saturday night when one of my favorite people had a little too much to drink. I remember her saying things that she once held hidden like what she wanted to experience when older, some of which were not so good. The night also consisted with some close interaction with the floor. For the first time I had to take care of someone who on usual times could take care of themselves and usually takes care of me. No I was not upset, simply just returning a favor. The whole night she apologized for her actions because she knew what she was doing she just could not control herself enough to stop it. Besides all that she did, at the end of the night she still remembered to set her alarm so that she could wake up on time to go to church.
When the morning came my plans got cancelled, I was upset but everything happens for a reason. That Sunday after several months of not attending church I decided to go so that I can make sure that she would be fine since she was still a little drunk. She messed up some of the scriptures from time to time but I helped her carry on. Receiving the bread and blood of Christ her constant question was, “Would he forgive me?” Not only because she drank but because she came to his house that way. Still in her heart she knew it would be worse to not come at all. With that pending question in her mind, I could not help but think about it too.
Will God forgive me for going to his house and participating in scriptures that I did not believe? Would he forgive me for not believing? Would he understand me? That when I realized that he would. Not because he forgives everybody but because there is a little bit of God in me, in all of us. Not saying I am better than him, of course not, for no one else. But God is a person who we know to help those that have betrayed him because he was just that generous. He is a man that fights and dies for what he believes in. And I am a minute version of that person. I put my own beliefs aside to do what was best for a loved on and that takes great courage. A lot of people are afraid to put away their pride because they think that it makes them less of a person. Little do they know that being less of yourself for someone who needs you is the greatest test to show who you truly are. Who would we be and what would the world be if it was consumed of selfish acts? Will God forgive you? I know he will forgive me.