I have shared my most intimate thoughts with no one but myself. Is this really a bad thing?
Everyone says that these years are simple. Financially? yes Emotionally? not at all.
It is so hard to try and see who you are and who you want to be. Although it may seem like everything is figured out and you are on the right track the truth is you are more uncertain than ever. It is so horrific questioning yourself daily based on things that might not even matter tomorrow but to you they mean the world.
I question myself everyday. People see me and know me as a girl who is certain and has her road set out for her but thr truth is I have no idea what I am living for. Yes, I aspire to be a writer but my life has become a routine that I can’t seem to get out of without feeling bad. It is not that I am not okay I just dont know if I am happy. There are times when I love myself and others when I completely hate myself. I dont know If I come out too strong or just not at all but I do not have any type of luck. In a world full of love I am lacking. In a world full of understanding I am lacking. In a world full of emotion I have no idea where I am with it.
What I do know is that I do not like what I am doing now, how far do I push? How much can I break out from who I am without disappointing anyone? Should I even care? Am I on the track I am supposed to be on? How would I know if what I am doing is right? When will someone care enough to fight for me and fight with me? When will I be enough for someone? Is it okay to question? Is it me or is it them? Should I re-evaluate myself? What is life?