Life came and went

She left that day wondering about all that she has done and how all of her hard work has not paid off. She sat on the sand hearing the waves gently passing through and she thought about herself. She never had realized how such a minute incident can have that effect on her entire life, because in the end all she wanted was some fun and some time to relieve her stress. She thought, “just once won’t hurt.” A loud voice awoken her and she was in the cell filled with strangers, none of the people that she was smoking with were there. She reflected on her life and realized it wasn’t that bad but yet she was not satisfied. She was stuck in an exhausted stupid irrelevant routine. She saw how education had failed her family, everyone with knowledge and no one with a job. She was tired.

            Her mother came along to pick her up, and by that time she knew everyone knew.  Not just the people in her house, but all of the relatives, those who lived in America and those who didn’t.  Her mother did not say a word, she barely even acknowledged her. She realized her mother was not angry she was disappointed, which was worse. Not only had her family neglected her because she was gay but because she did weed for that one time and got caught. After getting home she felt more enslaved than in prison, scared to leave her room, scared to make a sound, fearing that even if she did no one would move to see who it was. But this feeling was not foreign. She was tired of all of it, not just the hypocrites, politicians, the media, or the rudeness out in the world but all of it. The good in the world, those who tried to help and did help, those who were smart and had perfect lives. Her life wasn’t perfect nor would it ever be, and struggles were a reoccurring mystery. If her life wasn’t valued and loved by her family, by who else would it be? And that’s when she decided that the next was the day to end it all.

            She left that day wondering about all that she has done and how all of her hard work had not paid off. She sat on the sand hearing the waves gently passing through and she thought about herself. The waves become thunder as she rushed to them and dived in. She was never afraid of thunder or loud noise it was the silence that created fear within her because she couldn’t figure out what the people were thinking. But she dived in and tried so hard to keep her head down. The water rushing to her veins completed her life and the gasp for air was the anxiousness that she needed. And there she thought, “It’s funny how in my life I felt like I was deeper underneath water than I actually am right now, and how living felt like drowning and now drowning feels like living.” Someone found me and pulled me back, while being thrown on the sand and being provided oxygen I resented the feeling. I managed to realize, someone cared, they actually cared, but the oxygen provided wasn’t the oxygen needed and the life trying to be given was one that died a long time ago. It was too late, it was all too late…

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